Archiv der Kategorie: IANA SALENKO

Gespräche mit einer Prima Ballerina

GESPRÄCHE MIT EINER PRIMA BALLERINA

THE FEAR OF IANA

Just before the birth, Iana struggled with the pain and the onset of nausea, until she finally vomited. Still, she wanted to take as little pain medication as possible.

Finally the midwife came in and brought Iana to the birthing room. Marian sat in the chair, trembling with excitement.

„I feel like a cat,“ Iana told Marian. That was probably due to the position she was in when the birthing process began.
Iana endured the pain and the whole situation with a lot of humour and encouraged Marian. But he couldn’t hide his fear.

Finally! At 23:32, the little William was born.
The baby screamed vigorously. Marian severed the umbilical cord.
Iana was happy.

„It was not as bad as the first time.“ she said to Marian.
The midwife looked at Iana and hugged little William. For the moment, everyone was relieved.

Then it became hectic again. Three midwives tried everything to get the placenta out completely. But on the ultrasound scan, it became clear that there was still some afterbirth left in Iana’s body. She felt strong pain in her stomach.

The doctor came in and spoke softly to the midwives.
„You have to hold on a bit and keep pushing so that the afterbirth comes out completely.“ said the doctor to Iana.

„Otherwise we’ll have to bring you to the operating room.“

„I don’t want to push anymore, the pain is too much. I want to go straight to surgery.“ Iana replied.

„Good.“ the doctor said to her, squeezing her hand lightly.
For a moment it was quiet in the room, except for the crying of the baby.

Iana shivered as she was taken to the operating room.

„That is normal. It’s the adrenaline.“ the doctor reassured her.
The operation lasted two hours.

Marian was in bed. Little William was on his chest. Marian enjoyed the first half hour with his son. He had become a father again.
What man was lucky enough to have the baby on his chest right after birth and to feel his warmth?

But Marian became more and more restless.
What was going on in the OR? How was Iana? Was she still under general anesthesia?

The fear crept up on him and there was nothing he could do about it.

„You are so tough.“ said the doctor in the operating room to Iana.

The doctors and nurses admired how patiently Iana endured everything.

Iana was pushed into the room and Marian was relieved at first. But Iana’s bleeding had not stopped.

„We have to operate on your wife again.“ The senior physician told Marian.

„Should it not be possible to remove the placenta, we must remove the entire uterus.“

Marian’s tears rolled down his face. He could no longer hide the fear he felt for his wife.

Would she do it? Was her life in danger?
For him, a terrible wait began.

The moment they brought Iana back, Marian realized how much he loved his wife.

Iana slept until 3:00 in the morning. When she woke up, she asked Marian first:

„Are you OK?“
It scared her that she had slept so long. She wanted to hold her baby in her arms as soon as possible.

Every half hour, until 9 o’clock in the morning, the nurses checked to see if everything was alright.

On Monday, Iana had come to the hospital and she wasn’t released until Friday.

The family was together again and could hardly believe their luck. William was born on the thirteenth of the month. They had tried to delay the birth until after midnight, so that William was born on May 14th.

That was mainly Marley’s wish. He wanted to spare his brother any misfortune that could have come with the number 13. But this 13th had finally brought luck to all. They will remember it every year on the birthday of little William.

 

 

THE LITTLE WILLIAM IS THERE (3)


THE FEAR OF IANA

 

Just before the birth, Iana struggled with the pain and the onset of nausea, until she finally vomited. Still, she wanted to take as little pain medication as possible.

Finally the midwife came in and brought Iana to the birthing room. Marian sat in the chair, trembling with excitement.

„I feel like a cat,“ Iana told Marian. That was probably due to the position she was in when the birthing process began.
Iana endured the pain and the whole situation with a lot of humour and encouraged Marian. But he couldn’t hide his fear.

Finally! At 23:32, the little William was born.
The baby screamed vigorously. Marian severed the umbilical cord.
Iana was happy.

„It was not as bad as the first time.“ she said to Marian.
The midwife looked at Iana and hugged little William. For the moment, everyone was relieved.

Then it became hectic again. Three midwives tried everything to get the placenta out completely. But on the ultrasound scan, it became clear that there was still some afterbirth left in Iana’s body. She felt strong pain in her stomach.

The doctor came in and spoke softly to the midwives.
„You have to hold on a bit and keep pushing so that the afterbirth comes out completely.“ said the doctor to Iana.

„Otherwise we’ll have to bring you to the operating room.“

„I don’t want to push anymore, the pain is too much. I want to go straight to surgery.“ Iana replied.

„Good.“ the doctor said to her, squeezing her hand lightly.
For a moment it was quiet in the room, except for the crying of the baby.

Iana shivered as she was taken to the operating room.

„That is normal. It’s the adrenaline.“ the doctor reassured her.
The operation lasted two hours.

Marian was in bed. Little William was on his chest. Marian enjoyed the first half hour with his son. He had become a father again.
What man was lucky enough to have the baby on his chest right after birth and to feel his warmth?

But Marian became more and more restless.
What was going on in the OR? How was Iana? Was she still under general anesthesia?

The fear crept up on him and there was nothing he could do about it.

„You are so tough.“ said the doctor in the operating room to Iana.

The doctors and nurses admired how patiently Iana endured everything.

Iana was pushed into the room and Marian was relieved at first. But Iana’s bleeding had not stopped.

„We have to operate on your wife again.“ The senior physician told Marian.

„Should it not be possible to remove the placenta, we must remove the entire uterus.“

Marian’s tears rolled down his face. He could no longer hide the fear he felt for his wife.

Would she do it? Was her life in danger?
For him, a terrible wait began.

The moment they brought Iana back, Marian realized how much he loved his wife.

Iana slept until 3:00 in the morning. When she woke up, she asked Marian first:

„Are you OK?“
It scared her that she had slept so long. She wanted to hold her baby in her arms as soon as possible.

Every half hour, until 9 o’clock in the morning, the nurses checked to see if everything was alright.

On Monday, Iana had come to the hospital and she wasn’t released until Friday.

The family was together again and could hardly believe their luck. William was born on the thirteenth of the month. They had tried to delay the birth until after midnight, so that William was born on May 14th.

That was mainly Marley’s wish. He wanted to spare his brother any misfortune that could have come with the number 13. But this 13th had finally brought luck to all. They will remember it every year on the birthday of little William.

THE LITTLE WILLIAM IS THERE (2)

YOU CAN GO HOME AGAIN

„Mami, it’s happening. Can you come right now?“ Marian asked his mother excitedly on the phone.

„But I have my sport tonight. I can’t do that.“ she said to her son. But this was only her initial reaction. Although Sylvia had her own life and enjoyed pursuing her own activities, she supported her family wholeheartedly.

She helped wherever she could and she loved Marley beyond measure. So it was without question that she would drop everything to be with her grandson when Marian and Iana had other responsibilities. So in this situation, she canceled her plans and went to Marian and Iana’s home immediately.

During the phone call with his mother, Marian paced nervously back and forth on the terrace. He didn’t know if he and Iana would need to spend the night in the hospital, or if they could go home again, so his mother’s initial reluctance to come and help them, made him even more nervous.

„Mami.“ Marian tried again. But he did not have to say anything more.

„It’s alright, I’ll be right there.“ his mother soothed him.
After talking to his mother, Marian went to find Iana in the bathroom. While everyone around her was in chaos, she herself, was calm.

She was standing in front of the mirror with curlers in her hair. She looked happy because finally it was happening. The wait was over.
Again, a little amniotic fluid leaked from her. Marian became even more restless.

„We need to go to the hospital.“ he urged.
They arrived at the hospital shortly before half past eight in the evening. The midwife initially examined Iana for her general condition, and then attached her to the ‚labor clerk‘.

Iana had been physically and mentally prepared for what she expected when the child came.

„I feel like I’m going to training,“ she joked.
The midwife came back in. „Your uterine mouth is still closed.“ she told Iana, looking friendly.

„So you can go home for now.“ she added.
Iana looked at the midwife questioningly and at the same time doubtfully.

She sensed that it was not good to leave the hospital again, only to have to come back a little later.

It was quiet in the room. Nothing would have suggested how strained Iana was now. From her experience, she sensed that it did not feel right to follow the midwife’s advice.

Marian looked questioningly at Iana.
After a short break she said:

„For the birth of Marley, at first it looked like he was not ready to come out yet. But then everything suddenly went very fast.“

The midwife looked at Iana. She didn’t seem too happy that Iana had doubted her advice. But Iana knew her own condition, she knew her body, and she knew she was feeling the beginning of childbirth. She conveyed this to the midwife, who understood.

„I’ll discuss that with the doctor.“ she said, turning to the door.
Iana paced up and down and Marian was silent. The tension was noticeable to both.

They had been sent to the waiting area directly in front of the delivery room. They were waiting on the doctor to give them final certainty that it was actually amniotic fluid that had leaked out.
Finally, it was time. Iana was re-examined. Now, Iana could not sit still. She began to breathe shorter, she got cramps and the contractions began.

„That’s pain to enjoy. “ she joked with Marian. He smiled back, looking calm on the outside, but Iana knew her husband. She knew how excited he was inside.

„I feel like the baby is kicking.“ Iana told the doctor. She looked over at her and smiled as she looked at the ultrasound image, which showed that Iana’s cervix was about to open.

„We’ll keep you here.“ she said to Iana, after a second vote with the midwife.

Right after the examination, they were given a twin room, set up so that Marian could stay there too. He lay down next to Iana in the double bed and tried to reassure her. Iana had to smile, she could feel his uneasiness. Marian played some music on his phone to help them both relax.

„Can you give me a glass of water, please.“ Iana asked Marian. „And the lip balm.“

The contractions became stronger and stronger. To make it more bearable for Iana, the midwife gave her a light analgesic.

GESPRÄCHE MIT EINER PRIMA BALLERINA

YOU CAN GO HOME AGAIN

„Mami, it’s happening. Can you come right now?“ Marian asked his mother excitedly on the phone.

„But I have my sport tonight. I can’t do that.“ she said to her son. But this was only her initial reaction. Although Sylvia had her own life and enjoyed pursuing her own activities, she supported her family wholeheartedly.

She helped wherever she could and she loved Marley beyond measure. So it was without question that she would drop everything to be with her grandson when Marian and Iana had other responsibilities. So in this situation, she canceled her plans and went to Marian and Iana’s home immediately.

During the phone call with his mother, Marian paced nervously back and forth on the terrace. He didn’t know if he and Iana would need to spend the night in the hospital, or if they could go home again, so his mother’s initial reluctance to come and help them, made him even more nervous.

„Mami.“ Marian tried again. But he did not have to say anything more.

„It’s alright, I’ll be right there.“ his mother soothed him.
After talking to his mother, Marian went to find Iana in the bathroom. While everyone around her was in chaos, she herself, was calm.

She was standing in front of the mirror with curlers in her hair. She looked happy because finally it was happening. The wait was over.
Again, a little amniotic fluid leaked from her. Marian became even more restless.

„We need to go to the hospital.“ he urged.
They arrived at the hospital shortly before half past eight in the evening. The midwife initially examined Iana for her general condition, and then attached her to the ‚labor clerk‘.

Iana had been physically and mentally prepared for what she expected when the child came.

„I feel like I’m going to training,“ she joked.
The midwife came back in. „Your uterine mouth is still closed.“ she told Iana, looking friendly.

„So you can go home for now.“ she added.
Iana looked at the midwife questioningly and at the same time doubtfully.

She sensed that it was not good to leave the hospital again, only to have to come back a little later.

It was quiet in the room. Nothing would have suggested how strained Iana was now. From her experience, she sensed that it did not feel right to follow the midwife’s advice.

Marian looked questioningly at Iana.
After a short break she said:

„For the birth of Marley, at first it looked like he was not ready to come out yet. But then everything suddenly went very fast.“

The midwife looked at Iana. She didn’t seem too happy that Iana had doubted her advice. But Iana knew her own condition, she knew her body, and she knew she was feeling the beginning of childbirth. She conveyed this to the midwife, who understood.

„I’ll discuss that with the doctor.“ she said, turning to the door.
Iana paced up and down and Marian was silent. The tension was noticeable to both.

They had been sent to the waiting area directly in front of the delivery room. They were waiting on the doctor to give them final certainty that it was actually amniotic fluid that had leaked out.
Finally, it was time. Iana was re-examined. Now, Iana could not sit still. She began to breathe shorter, she got cramps and the contractions began.

„That’s pain to enjoy. “ she joked with Marian. He smiled back, looking calm on the outside, but Iana knew her husband. She knew how excited he was inside.

„I feel like the baby is kicking.“ Iana told the doctor. She looked over at her and smiled as she looked at the ultrasound image, which showed that Iana’s cervix was about to open.

„We’ll keep you here.“ she said to Iana, after a second vote with the midwife.

Right after the examination, they were given a twin room, set up so that Marian could stay there too. He lay down next to Iana in the double bed and tried to reassure her. Iana had to smile, she could feel his uneasiness. Marian played some music on his phone to help them both relax.

„Can you give me a glass of water, please.“ Iana asked Marian. „And the lip balm.“

The contractions became stronger and stronger. To make it more bearable for Iana, the midwife gave her a light analgesic.

 

 

 

GESPRÄCHE MIT EINER PRIMA BALLERINA

A VERY NORMAL DAY BEGINS

Monday, May 13, 2019.
Iana’s pregnancy was coming to an end, but she was feeling fine. Her stomach was growing and it felt very hard but this didn’t bother her at all.

„I’m going to training today.“ she called to Marian, who was coming down the stairs and heading to the kitchen.

„Hm,“ he grunted, „he was not capable of anything more at that time of day. The day had just begun and Marians‘ batteries had not yet started up.“

„I want to move, not just sit here.“ Iana told him, while Marian was busy in the kitchen.

„But won’t it be too much for you? The contractions can start at anytime.“ Marian replied, looking at Iana’s stomach.

„Oh, it’s alright.“ she replied. Though she was constantly wondering when it was finally going to be time to give birth. Iana, Marian and Marley, could hardly wait for little William to finally arrive.

After training Iana still felt good and later in the afternoon, she even felt like sweeping the terrace. For some reason, she couldn’t let herself rest. She wanted to clean everything in the house.

„I can help you.“ she told Marian as he plucked weeds. She jumped up and grabbed the broom.
Afterwards she accompanied her son Marley to piano lessons together with Marian.

After piano lessons, they all went to a fast food restaurant together.

„I want to drink Cola.“ Marley said as they all sat down. „You know, that not only makes you fat but after you drink it you can not sleep all night.“ Marian warned his son.

Marley was just ten years old and a very bright boy for his age. „That doesn’t matter, I can stay awake and make videos telling my stories.“ he responded quickly.

„Think of Mr. Müller and his big belly. Do you want to look like that? „Marian joked.

„Papa, then I would have to drink whole truckloads of Cola.“ Everyone at the table was smiling.

„I want to try a Cola too.“ Iana said suddenly.

„Hopefully it will be good for you in your condition.“ Marian said.
„Yes, it will be fine.“ Iana replied, dipping a french fry into the spicy sauce.

It was nice to sit in the restaurant, to laugh and enjoy the three of them being together. Soon, there would be four, and quietly, little William was already sitting at the table.

Iana felt good after the meal. Hopefully the food and lightheartedness would help to start her labour.

„Mama, do you want to play Lego?“ Marley asked his mother when they arrived back home.

Iana agreed and Marley got the blocks out.
Meanwhile, Marian mowed the lawn in the garden.

Suddenly, Iana noticed that she was losing water.
Could this be the beginning of labour?

For a week, Iana had tried everything, but the contractions did not materialize, nothing happened. Could the Cola and spicy sauce have been the triggers?

„Marley, I think it’s starting.“ Iana shouted.

„No, no, please, not today!“

Marley looked at his mother. His face expressed panic.
He was worried about his mother, but he was also thinking about himself.

The next day he had a bycicle test and he really wanted to go. Also, he didn’t want his brother to be born on the 13th because that brings bad luck. Marley was desperate and at a loss.

Iana felt the amniotic fluid running out of her.

„I’ll go take a bath and then apply a little make-up.“ she said, seeming calm and balanced as everything around her became hectic.

 

Link to the english version: https://uwemuellererzaehlt.de/2019/08/28/the-little-william-is-here-1/

Montag, 13. Mai 2019. Iana ging es gut, und das obwohl sich scheinbar die Zeit ihrer Schwangerschaft dem Ende zuneigte. Ihr Bauch war immer weiter gewachsen und jetzt fühlte er sich sehr hart an. Doch sie fand das nicht schlimm.

„Ich gehe heute zum Training“, rief sie Marian zu, der gerade die Treppe herunterkam und auf die Küche zusteuerte.
„Hm“, brummte der. Zu mehr war er zu der Tageszeit noch nicht fähig. Der Tag hatte ja gerade angefangen und Marians ‚Batterien waren noch nicht hochgefahren‘.

„Ich will mich bewegen, nicht nur hier herumsitzen“, sagte Iana zu ihm, während Marian in der Küche hantierte.
„Aber wird das nicht zu viel für dich? Es kann jeden Augenblick losgehen, mit den Wehen“, antwortete Marian und schaute auf Ianas Bauch.

„Ach, das geht schon“, entgegnete sie. Dabei stellte sie sich gerade in den letzten Tagen immer wieder die Frage, wann es nun endlich soweit war, und es losging mit der Geburt. Iana, Marian, Marley, sie alle konnten es kaum noch erwarten, dass der kleine William auf die Welt kam.

Nach dem Training fühlte sich Iana immer noch gut.
Später, es war bereits nachmittags, da verspürte sie Lust, die Terrasse zu fegen. Irgendwas ließ sie nicht zur Ruhe kommen. Sie wollte putzen, alles im Haus saubermachen.

„Ich kann dir helfen“, sagte sie zu Marian, während der Unkraut zupfte. Sie sprang auf und griff sich den Besen.
Anschließend begleitete sie noch gemeinsam mit Marian ihren Sohn Marley zum Klavierunterricht.

Nach dem Klavierunterricht gingen sie alle zusammen in ein Fastfood-Restaurant.
„Ich möchte Cola trinken“, rief Marley gleich, als sie sich alle hingesetzt hatten.

„Du weißt schon, dass das nicht nur dick macht und du außerdem die ganze Nacht nicht schlafen kannst“, mahnte Marian seinen Sohn.
Marley war gerade mal zehn Jahre alt und für sein Alter ein sehr aufgewecktes Kerlchen, und nicht auf den Mund gefallen.

„Macht nichts, dann kann ich nachts weiter meine Geschichten per Video erzählen“, entgegnete er schlagfertig.

„Denk an Herrn Müller und seinen dicken Bauch. Willst du auch mal so aussehen?“, scherzte Marian.

„Papa, dann müsste ich ja ganze Lastzüge voller Cola leer trinken und zu Weihnachten könnte dann nicht wie gewohnt ein festlich geschmückter Coca-Cola – Zug zu den Kindern fahren, so wie jedes Jahr.“

Alle schmunzelten am Tisch.
„Ich will auch eine Cola probieren“, sagte Iana plötzlich.
„Hoffentlich bekommt sie dir in deinem Zustand“, meinte nun Marian.

„Ja, das geht schon“, antwortete Iana und tunkte eine Pommes frites in die scharfe Sauce.
Es war schön, im Restaurant zu sitzen, zu lachen und die Gemeinsamkeit zu dritt zu genießen.
Bald würden sie zu viert sein, und im Stillen saß der kleine William bereits mit am Tisch.

Iana fühlte sich gut nach dem Essen. Und doch sollte diese Leichtfertigkeit beim Essen mit ihre Geburtswehen beschleunigen.
„Mama, wollen wir Lego spielen?“, fragte Marley seine Mutter, als sie wieder Zuhause angekommen waren.

Iana war einverstanden und Marley holte die Steine raus.
Marian mähte indessen im Garten den Rasen.
Plötzlich bemerkte Iana, dass bei ihr Wasser austrat.

Sollte das der Beginn der Geburtswehen sein?
Eine Woche lang hatte Iana alles versucht, aber die Wehen setzten nicht ein, es passierte nichts.

Und die Cola und die scharfe Sauce, waren sie jetzt der Auslöser für all das?

„Marley, ich glaub‘, es geht los“, rief Iana.
„Nein, nein, bitte nicht, noch nicht heute!“

Marley schaute seine Mutter an. Sein Gesicht drückte Panik aus.
Er hatte Angst um seine Mutter. Aber er dachte auch daran, dass am nächsten Tag die Fahrradprüfung für ihn anstand, und die wollte er unbedingt ablegen.

Außerdem: Sein Bruder sollte nicht an einem 13. geboren werden. Das würde doch Unglück nach sich ziehen. Marley war verzweifelt und ratlos.

Iana spürte das aus ihr herauslaufende Fruchtwasser.
„Ich geh‘ in die Badewanne und danach ein wenig Make-up auftragen“, sagte sie. Sie schien ruhig und ausgeglichen, während um sie herum alles hektisch wurde.

 

THE LITTLE WILLIAM IS HERE (1)

A VERY NORMAL DAY BEGINS

Monday, May 13, 2019.
Iana’s pregnancy was coming to an end, but she was feeling fine. Her stomach was growing and it felt very hard but this didn’t bother her at all.

„I’m going to training today.“ she called to Marian, who was coming down the stairs and heading to the kitchen.

„Hm,“ he grunted, „he was not capable of anything more at that time of day. The day had just begun and Marians‘ batteries had not yet started up.“

„I want to move, not just sit here.“ Iana told him, while Marian was busy in the kitchen.

„But won’t it be too much for you? The contractions can start at anytime.“ Marian replied, looking at Iana’s stomach.

„Oh, it’s alright.“ she replied. Though she was constantly wondering when it was finally going to be time to give birth. Iana, Marian and Marley, could hardly wait for little William to finally arrive.

After training Iana still felt good and later in the afternoon, she even felt like sweeping the terrace. For some reason, she couldn’t let herself rest. She wanted to clean everything in the house.

„I can help you.“ she told Marian as he plucked weeds. She jumped up and grabbed the broom.
Afterwards she accompanied her son Marley to piano lessons together with Marian.

After piano lessons, they all went to a fast food restaurant together.

„I want to drink Cola.“ Marley said as they all sat down. „You know, that not only makes you fat but after you drink it you can not sleep all night.“ Marian warned his son.

Marley was just ten years old and a very bright boy for his age. „That doesn’t matter, I can stay awake and make videos telling my stories.“ he responded quickly.

„Think of Mr. Müller and his big belly. Do you want to look like that? „Marian joked.

„Papa, then I would have to drink whole truckloads of Cola.“ Everyone at the table was smiling.

„I want to try a Cola too.“ Iana said suddenly.

„Hopefully it will be good for you in your condition.“ Marian said.
„Yes, it will be fine.“ Iana replied, dipping a french fry into the spicy sauce.

It was nice to sit in the restaurant, to laugh and enjoy the three of them being together. Soon, there would be four, and quietly, little William was already sitting at the table.

Iana felt good after the meal. Hopefully the food and lightheartedness would help to start her labour.

„Mama, do you want to play Lego?“ Marley asked his mother when they arrived back home.

Iana agreed and Marley got the blocks out.
Meanwhile, Marian mowed the lawn in the garden.

Suddenly, Iana noticed that she was losing water.
Could this be the beginning of labour?

For a week, Iana had tried everything, but the contractions did not materialize, nothing happened. Could the Cola and spicy sauce have been the triggers?

„Marley, I think it’s starting.“ Iana shouted.

„No, no, please, not today!“

Marley looked at his mother. His face expressed panic.
He was worried about his mother, but he was also thinking about himself.

The next day he had a bycicle test and he really wanted to go. Also, he didn’t want his brother to be born on the 13th because that brings bad luck. Marley was desperate and at a loss.

Iana felt the amniotic fluid running out of her.

„I’ll go take a bath and then apply a little make-up.“ she said, seeming calm and balanced as everything around her became hectic.

 

CONVERSATIONS WITH A PRIMA BALLERINA

INTERVIEW WITH IANA SALENKO AND MARIAN WALTER ON MAY 07, 2019

Iana, last time we saw each other was two months ago. How are you today?
I’m fine. Of course I’m a little scared of the impending birth but I am excited because a new life is coming to our family.

So is the birth a big challenge for you?
Yes of course. Not only the birth itself, but also the thoughts that go along with it. I worry about how it will be and how I will get back to my job. I carry many fears and doubts with me.

What kind of fears and doubts, for example?
I wonder how my career will continue and if I will be able to do it all. Nevertheless, the joy of having a child outweighs all my fears.

Iana, I remember seeing you and Marian for the first time. That was just before the birth of your first child. Now you are standing before the birth of your second child and you’re beaming even more today.

Well, back then I was younger and less experienced and I was not very self-confident. Since then I have learned a lot and gained experience which has given me more confidence.

Marian, do you agree?
Yes, definitely. I think that Iana has much more self-confidence today. And what’s important is that she worked very hard for it.

Do you think that your wife has gained mental strength?
Yes she has.

How is that expressed?
Well, she’s more open to people and they can feel what a fantastic person she is, and how modest she has stayed with everything.

I can attest to that too.
Iana, of course, the readers are interested in where you get the power to perform at your best while balancing that with your family life.

Personally, I think that you can only achieve your own peak performance if you are ready to do it in your head.

So you believe in the power of your thoughts?
Yes absolutely. Otherwise, you can not muster the necessary self-discipline and willpower to get where you want to go.

Marian, Iana, how do you handle the moment right before going on stage? How do you prepare yourself to give everything to the audience?
Marian:
Everyone handles the challenges and excitement before a performance differently. When you’re not excited, you’re not aware of the energy you need to use in order to meet those challenges.
Iana:
For me, it’s important that I visualize how I want to dance for the audience. Then during the performance I am able to step out of myself and to sense what the audience wants.

These are almost supernatural powers, right?
No, it’s just the focus and willpower necessary to give my best performance. This is something you always have to keep working on and improving. Marian and I help each other to achieve this and then find the balance.

Iana, can you give an example of how you find your inner-self?
I listen to classical music, close my eyes and imagine that I am lying by the sea. Classical music speaks to me and relaxes me a lot. It takes away my tension and makes me feel alive. Once I am relaxed, I start to think about what I can do to live a healthy life and take care of myself mentally.

What have you gained from your personal mental training?
I understand how to control my thoughts. As an artist, sometimes you are up and sometimes you are down. But it’s so important to use the power of your thoughts and that’s what I do.

Marian:
You have to use the good thoughts. In the past I slipped too much into the negative thoughts. My wife has an incredibly positive mental power. Nevertheless, it is difficult for her to accept herself as she is.
Iana:
I always find something that makes me want to become even more perfect. But I am already satisfied as I am right now.

Marian, what is the meaning of your inner world to you when talking about mental strength?
Marian:
You can go anywhere in your mind and that’s fantastic. If you have your goal already in your mind and you can see the end result, you can then figure out what you need to achieve it.
Iana:
I deal a lot with mental strength. Mental strength requires a lot of mindfulness. When you go on stage, you have to be completely with yourself.

How do you deal with conflicts between each other?
Iana:
We talk more than we used to. That helps a lot.
Marian:
Yes that’s true. In the past, Iana only retired to her shell. Today we can talk things through much better. This is a very good development that we both made. However, I still have to find out for myself what the causes of conflict are in certain situations. But I think that everyone has these experiences in their marriage.
Iana:
You have to talk, so that you understand each other. I like to ask questions. I would much rather find out the answers than torment myself with doubts.

Did the time of pregnancy help you get more insights here?
Yes, time has given me the opportunity to reflect on what makes me different.

What are the most important insights for you?
I can see much more clearly, what I need to do in my family life and work life.

Iana, Marian, thank you very much for the interview and the insights you have given me.
I keep my fingers crossed for you and look forward to seeing you after the birth of your son.

GESPRÄCHE MIT EINER PRIMA BALLERINA

INTERVIEW WITH IANA SALENKO AND MARIAN WALTER ON MAY 07, 2019

Iana, last time we saw each other was two months ago. How are you today?
I’m fine. Of course I’m a little scared of the impending birth but I am excited because a new life is coming to our family.

So is the birth a big challenge for you?
Yes of course. Not only the birth itself, but also the thoughts that go along with it. I worry about how it will be and how I will get back to my job. I carry many fears and doubts with me.

What kind of fears and doubts, for example?
I wonder how my career will continue and if I will be able to do it all. Nevertheless, the joy of having a child outweighs all my fears.

Iana, I remember seeing you and Marian for the first time. That was just before the birth of your first child. Now you are standing before the birth of your second child and you’re beaming even more today.

Well, back then I was younger and less experienced and I was not very self-confident. Since then I have learned a lot and gained experience which has given me more confidence.

Marian, do you agree?
Yes, definitely. I think that Iana has much more self-confidence today. And what’s important is that she worked very hard for it.

Do you think that your wife has gained mental strength?
Yes she has.

How is that expressed?
Well, she’s more open to people and they can feel what a fantastic person she is, and how modest she has stayed with everything.

I can attest to that too.
Iana, of course, the readers are interested in where you get the power to perform at your best while balancing that with your family life.

Personally, I think that you can only achieve your own peak performance if you are ready to do it in your head.

So you believe in the power of your thoughts?
Yes absolutely. Otherwise, you can not muster the necessary self-discipline and willpower to get where you want to go.

Marian, Iana, how do you handle the moment right before going on stage? How do you prepare yourself to give everything to the audience?
Marian:
Everyone handles the challenges and excitement before a performance differently. When you’re not excited, you’re not aware of the energy you need to use in order to meet those challenges.
Iana:
For me, it’s important that I visualize how I want to dance for the audience. Then during the performance I am able to step out of myself and to sense what the audience wants.

These are almost supernatural powers, right?
No, it’s just the focus and willpower necessary to give my best performance. This is something you always have to keep working on and improving. Marian and I help each other to achieve this and then find the balance.

Iana, can you give an example of how you find your inner-self?
I listen to classical music, close my eyes and imagine that I am lying by the sea. Classical music speaks to me and relaxes me a lot. It takes away my tension and makes me feel alive. Once I am relaxed, I start to think about what I can do to live a healthy life and take care of myself mentally.

What have you gained from your personal mental training?
I understand how to control my thoughts. As an artist, sometimes you are up and sometimes you are down. But it’s so important to use the power of your thoughts and that’s what I do.

Marian:
You have to use the good thoughts. In the past I slipped too much into the negative thoughts. My wife has an incredibly positive mental power. Nevertheless, it is difficult for her to accept herself as she is.
Iana:
I always find something that makes me want to become even more perfect. But I am already satisfied as I am right now.

Marian, what is the meaning of your inner world to you when talking about mental strength?
Marian:
You can go anywhere in your mind and that’s fantastic. If you have your goal already in your mind and you can see the end result, you can then figure out what you need to achieve it.
Iana:
I deal a lot with mental strength. Mental strength requires a lot of mindfulness. When you go on stage, you have to be completely with yourself.

How do you deal with conflicts between each other?
Iana:
We talk more than we used to. That helps a lot.
Marian:
Yes that’s true. In the past, Iana only retired to her shell. Today we can talk things through much better. This is a very good development that we both made. However, I still have to find out for myself what the causes of conflict are in certain situations. But I think that everyone has these experiences in their marriage.
Iana:
You have to talk, so that you understand each other. I like to ask questions. I would much rather find out the answers than torment myself with doubts.

Did the time of pregnancy help you get more insights here?
Yes, time has given me the opportunity to reflect on what makes me different.

What are the most important insights for you?
I can see much more clearly, what I need to do in my family life and work life.

Iana, Marian, thank you very much for the interview and the insights you have given me.
I keep my fingers crossed for you and look forward to seeing you after the birth of your son.

 

 

 

GESPRÄCHE MIT EINER PRIMA BALLERINA

ENDLICH! WILLIAM IST DA!

Iana Salenko und Marian Walter teilen mit, dass sie Eltern geworden sind.

Der kleine William kam am Montag, 13.05.2019 kurz vor Mitternacht auf die Welt.

„Die Geburt war nicht einfach, und ich habe einige Stunden um meine Frau gebangt. Jetzt ist alles überstanden und wir sind überglücklich“, sagte mir Marian Walter im Gespräch.

In der vergangenen Woche war ich noch zum Interview mit beiden verabredet.

Ich hatte Iana gefragt, wie sie sich fühlt, so kurz vor der Geburt. Die Ereignisse haben diese Frage überholt.

Das ganze Interview mit der Prima Ballerina erscheint in der nächsten Woche.

Prima Ballerina Iana Salenko mit Sohn William

 

GESPRÄCHE MIT EINER PRIMA BALLERINA

INTERVIEW WITH THE PRIMA BALLERINA ON 04.03.2019

Iana, you are glowing and I get the impression you are very happy. Do you feel that way too?
Yes, I am happy and looking forward to the birth of my child.

What is different now, in the last trimester of your pregnancy if you compare it to the first trimester?
In the beginning I suffered greatly from nausea. I constantly felt bad. Smelling certain foods from the fridge was enough to make me sick.
I simply had no strength and just wanted to vomit and sleep a lot. But that’s over now, thank goodness. Of course sometimes I have pain in my back, but I think that’s normal.

How do you keep fit?
If I feel well, then I drive to the opera and train there. But I also do a lot of exercises at home.

What is different in this pregnancy compared to your first one?
I have a greater sense of security today, and I know exactly what I’m doing. During my first pregnancy about 10 years ago, I felt so young. I didn’t dare to go out on the street.

Why?
Because I felt I was considered too young to have a baby. People may have even thought I was only a child myself. I was already 25 years old, but I didn’t look like it. I wanted to scream out, ‚I’m 25 years old, not 12!‘

Anyway, it took a lot of mental strength for me to show my stomach, because I always felt I was too fat. I was just very insecure. And on top of that, I wasn’t sure if I would be able to manage it all; the birth, keep my career going and be there for my family. But I kept a lot of this to myself. I didn’t want to say anything or show how I was feeling.

Now I want to show everything and I have no problem with people wanting to share this experience with me and be a part of my happiness. Today I have a very different attitude.

What do you mean exactly?
For example, I get a lot of heartfelt wishes on Instagram from people who know me from the stage or from my personal life.

When is the birth date?
In May.

Do you want your husband to be in the delivery room at birth?
Yes. He was also present at the birth of our first child, Marley.

Is it a boy or a girl?
It’s a boy. That suits me.

Why?
Because I have four brothers, so I grew up around boys. And I already have 3 men in my own family now.

Three men?
Yes, we also count our pug, Charly.

Are you getting along with so many men in the household?
Yes, I’m used to it. I think men are easier to understand. I think they are clearer with what they say and what they mean.

What will you name the child?
We will not reveal that yet.

How did you come up with the name Marley for your first son?
At first we thought it would be a girl so we searched a lot for a girls name. In 2007, the film ‚I Am Legend‘ by Francis Lawrence came out. That’s where we got the idea for the name Marley. It also fit for a boys name.

How do you plan to manage everything after you give birth? A new baby, a son in school, a husband…?
I can let go.

What do you mean by that?
When I am at work, that is the center of my attention . I put all of my thought and feeling into it. I give one hundred percent. At home it is the same. I give everything just for the family and I don’t bring thoughts about work home with me. At least for the most part.

So you think you can do it all?
Yes of course. I had to go through the same thing when Marley was born. We had a Nanny and Marian did a lot of housework for me. And of course he will do that with the second child as well. Plus, we have a big family to help us; Marian’s mother, aunts and great-aunts.

How about your parents. When will they see their grandson?
That will happen soon. We are in close contact with my parents, Marley’s grandparents.
In Kiev, they still have other grandchildren from my four brothers and are by no means lonely. But they will visit us soon.

Iana, you currently have more free time than before. How do you deal with it?
I think a lot. That’s the positive thing about my pregnancy. I can think a lot about how I want to continue after the birth. I want to go back to training and rehearsing as quickly as possible. I want to get back to the stage. And I’m planning a bigger ballet for Marlene Dietrich.

What is behind it?
It will be very unique and with original choreography. It will be shown in Kiev alongside friends. But this project still needs more time.

Iana, thank you for the interview.

GESPRÄCHE MIT EINER PRIMA BALLERINA

INTERVIEW WITH THE PRIMA BALLERINA ON 04.03.2019

Iana, you are glowing and I get the impression you are very happy. Do you feel that way too?
Yes, I am happy and looking forward to the birth of my child.

What is different now, in the last trimester of your pregnancy if you compare it to the first trimester?
In the beginning I suffered greatly from nausea. I constantly felt bad. Smelling certain foods from the fridge was enough to make me sick.
I simply had no strength and just wanted to vomit and sleep a lot. But that’s over now, thank goodness. Of course sometimes I have pain in my back, but I think that’s normal.

How do you keep fit?
If I feel well, then I drive to the opera and train there. But I also do a lot of exercises at home.

What is different in this pregnancy compared to your first one?
I have a greater sense of security today, and I know exactly what I’m doing. During my first pregnancy about 10 years ago, I felt so young. I didn’t dare to go out on the street.

Why?
Because I felt I was considered too young to have a baby. People may have even thought I was only a child myself. I was already 25 years old, but I didn’t look like it. I wanted to scream out, ‚I’m 25 years old, not 12!‘

Anyway, it took a lot of mental strength for me to show my stomach, because I always felt I was too fat. I was just very insecure. And on top of that, I wasn’t sure if I would be able to manage it all; the birth, keep my career going and be there for my family. But I kept a lot of this to myself. I didn’t want to say anything or show how I was feeling.

Now I want to show everything and I have no problem with people wanting to share this experience with me and be a part of my happiness. Today I have a very different attitude.

What do you mean exactly?
For example, I get a lot of heartfelt wishes on Instagram from people who know me from the stage or from my personal life.

When is the birth date?
In May.

Do you want your husband to be in the delivery room at birth?
Yes. He was also present at the birth of our first child, Marley.

Is it a boy or a girl?
It’s a boy. That suits me.

Why?
Because I have four brothers, so I grew up around boys. And I already have 3 men in my own family now.

Three men?
Yes, we also count our pug, Charly.

Are you getting along with so many men in the household?
Yes, I’m used to it. I think men are easier to understand. I think they are clearer with what they say and what they mean.

What will you name the child?
We will not reveal that yet.

How did you come up with the name Marley for your first son?
At first we thought it would be a girl so we searched a lot for a girls name. In 2007, the film ‚I Am Legend‘ by Francis Lawrence came out. That’s where we got the idea for the name Marley. It also fit for a boys name.

How do you plan to manage everything after you give birth? A new baby, a son in school, a husband…?
I can let go.

What do you mean by that?
When I am at work, that is the center of my attention . I put all of my thought and feeling into it. I give one hundred percent. At home it is the same. I give everything just for the family and I don’t bring thoughts about work home with me. At least for the most part.

So you think you can do it all?
Yes of course. I had to go through the same thing when Marley was born. We had a Nanny and Marian did a lot of housework for me. And of course he will do that with the second child as well. Plus, we have a big family to help us; Marian’s mother, aunts and great-aunts.

How about your parents. When will they see their grandson?
That will happen soon. We are in close contact with my parents, Marley’s grandparents.
In Kiev, they still have other grandchildren from my four brothers and are by no means lonely. But they will visit us soon.

Iana, you currently have more free time than before. How do you deal with it?
I think a lot. That’s the positive thing about my pregnancy. I can think a lot about how I want to continue after the birth. I want to go back to training and rehearsing as quickly as possible. I want to get back to the stage. And I’m planning a bigger ballet for Marlene Dietrich.

What is behind it?
It will be very unique and with original choreography. It will be shown in Kiev alongside friends. But this project still needs more time.

Iana, thank you for the interview.

 

 

GESPRÄCHE MIT EINER PRIMA BALLERINA

She left without saying goodbye

Iana got on the train to Donetsk. She was happy to finally go back home to Kiev and this time, forever. But her feelings were divided. In fact, a certain sadness came upon her.

The engine of the train started running and the wheels slowly began to turn. Iana laid back in her seat and closed her eyes and as she did this, images started appearing in her mind about the year that had just past. She knew that she was heading towards a new goal in her future.

A guilty feeling would constantly reappear

Iana had left many friends behind. She had a feeling of comfort in the city and really liked the people in Donetsk.

Everything she loved began in this city; her professional education towards becoming a ballerina, her first performances and the first admiration from the audience.

But what she regretted the most was not saying goodbye to the ones who supported her and helped to make her dreams come true.

Two special people: Irina Pisareva and Vadim Pisarev. Even today, this thought is heavy on her soul. Irina was there for her when she struggled the most. In particular when Iana didn’t know if she could continue to follow her dream to dance.

Irina gave her food, shelter, nurtured her and gave her the strength through love and compassion which was vital for her to continue.

Vadim Pisarev was a father like figure, teacher and incredible dancer

Vadim was a famous ballet dancer at the time that Iana and her brother started their education. He also held the highly renowned position as Artistic Director of the state Academy of Opera and Ballet in Donetsk, known far beyond the borders of Ukraine.

He then continued creating the international „World Ballet Stars“ festival of which he also became director and he created the Master School of Choreography. Iana and her brother knew how fortunate they were to be under the wings of a true master of the art of ballet.

Donetsk, my new city and my beloved new home

There was nothing Iana would miss in Donetsk, apart from her family in Kiev. She would share an apartment with another balletdancer. Vadim Pisarev was able to acquire this apartment for them, which madeIana very happy because now she would be able to enjoy more freedom.

There wasn’t a nanny anymore who would follow her around everywhere and tell her offfor certain things she would do. That’s how she remembered her time in the dormitory.

This was the time Iana would grow creatively, not only in her ballet education or during her performances on stage in Donetsk but inother areas of life as well.

She also attended a modelling school to become a photography Model. The school was very near to the theatre. The classes provided knowledge on things like how to use the right make up and how to applyit.

She was taught how to walk on a catwalk and everything one would need to know about casting. Once she even received an offer to work with a Parisian modelling agency.

It all seemed so exciting and Vadim Pisarev supported her all the way. He thought it was important for Iana to grow as an artist and to learn about other ways to be creatively active. He even encouraged her to take part in the drama classes at the theatre.

Of course with so many new things to learn, Iana wouldn’t have much time for other things like partying or hanging out withfriends; only very intense work.

To leave Donetsk was not an easy decision but Iana knew it was time to move on in order for her to grow and experience different aspects of her dream. The decision didn’t come over night.

„Should I stayor should I not stay?“

„Should I really leave the city that gave me so much love and support? The ballet teachers who set me on the path to my dream career? „

These questions were constantly running through her mind. She tried to tell herself that this would be her way of giving back for all the good things she had been given but her thoughts were pulling her in different directions and she didn’t know what to do. She didn’t feel comfortable enough to talk to anyone about it so she kept it to herself which would eventually start eating her up inside.

Her brother, Jaroslaw, decided for himself that he would never go back to Donetsk.  Iana decided to follow him to Boston, America to take part in a tour.

From there, Jaroslaw received a contract from the balletdirector of Boston to work in his company as a ballet dancer. Iana received the same offer but she had a different idea about what she wanted to do next. Her idea was to go back to Donetsk to train more and improve herself. This was the placewhere she could experiment with her artistry on stage. 

Boston wasn’t the end destination for Ianas‘ brotherJaroslaw. He later went on to dance with Miami Ballet. Miami seemed to be abetter place for him to dance.

This decision didn’t seem to have any influence on Iana however, so she flew back to Donetsk and would be there on her own this time, without her brother. This made her miss her family back home in Kiev evenmore. She felt alone and was in need of her parents and all she wanted now was to go back home.

Later, a new love interest emerged for Iana

 He was a Japanese dancer from Kiev. He was already very successful in his career. Iana experienced quite strong feelings for him. He told Iana that he was watching one of her performances in Donetsk and that from that moment on, he was alreadyin love with her.

My new Japanese boyfriend seemed a little obsessed with me

He was fascinated by Iana’s dancing. He felt that it was powerful yet effort less and elegant. She had the ability to emotionally transform the audience with her roles. He would come more frequently to Donetsk to see her. At one point he started to insist for her to move to Kiev with him and become a Ballerina in the Kiev company. Was that what she should do? She didn’t know.

Let’s live and work together in Kiev

Iana was deeply flattered by the attention she got from him. He would have done anything for her. She enjoyed this attention but she also had the desire to be independent and follow her own path.

Iana’s boyfriend asked her if she would go with him to Japan, his home country, in order to participate in an international ballet competition. After a long flight, they arrived in Japan where Iana was introduced to his mother. His mother was incredibly important to him.

He worshiped her like a Goddess. Iana found the Japanese culture and traditions to be very interesting and everyone was so kind to her. It brought her great joy to see the respect they had for the ballet dancers.

Iana was also overjoyed to receive a special prize at the competition. Her experiences in Japan were a big part of her decision to move back to Kiev.

She had a good heart and she never forgot the people by her side

That was the tipping point for her to move back to Kiev. The moment Iana let go, she felt the pain. It hurt deep within her heart because she had left behind good people; good friends. Iana had never been the type of person who would show her inner feelings to others.

She either expressed them through dancing or kept them buried inside herself. She had kept all of these emotions hidden because it was important to her to develop her skills, expand her horizons and strive to become the best ballerina she could. The thought of her being with her boyfriend in Kiev and being with her parents again were important factors in her decision to move back to Kiev.

Flashback

„We will shortly be arriving in Kiev.“  Said a voice from the speaker on the train. Iana opened her eyes. Finally, very soon she would see her family again.

„Daddy, could you drive back to Donetsk one more time and explain to Vadim Pisarev why I had to leave without saying goodbye or telling him why?“

Iana begged her father, Anatoli, after her tears upon arrival had dried. Anatoli couldn’t deny the request of his daughter. He drove back to Donetsk and explained to Vadim why Iana had returned to Kiev. He tried his best but he felt a little lost for words. However, Vadim was very understanding. He only wanted the best for Iana.

Iana mentioned at the end of our conversation: „Today, I’m more sure than ever that I had the best dance education in the best school in the world. Therefore I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart, Vadim Pisarev and Irina Pisareva, for your love and support throughout all these years. You will always have a place in my heart.“

 

 

 

She left without saying goodbye

Iana got on the train to Donetsk. She was happy to finally go back home to Kiev and this time, forever. But her feelings were divided. In fact, a certain sadness came upon her.

The engine of the train started running and the wheels slowly began to turn. Iana laid back in her seat and closed her eyes and as she did this, images started appearing in her mind about the year that had just past. She knew that she was heading towards a new goal in her future.

A guilty feeling would constantly reappear

Iana had left many friends behind. She had a feeling of comfort in the city and really liked the people in Donetsk.

Everything she loved began in this city; her professional education towards becoming a ballerina, her first performances and the first admiration from the audience. But what she regretted the most was not saying goodbye to the ones who supported her and helped to make her dreams come true.

Two special people: Irina Pisareva and Vadim Pisarev. Even today, this thought is heavy on her soul. Irina was there for her when she struggled the most. In particular when Iana didn’t know if she could continue to follow her dream to dance.

Irina gave her food, shelter, nurtured her and gave her the strength through love and compassion which was vital for her to continue.

Vadim Pisarev was a father like figure, teacher and incredible dancer

Vadim was a famous ballet dancer at the time that Iana and her brother started their education. He also held the highly renowned position as Artistic Director of the state Academy of Opera and Ballet in Donetsk, known far beyond the borders of Ukraine.

He then continued creating the international „World Ballet Stars“ festival of which he also became director and he created the Master School of Choreography. Iana and her brother knew how fortunate they were to be under the wings of a true master of the art of ballet.

Donetsk, my new city and my beloved new home

There was nothing Iana would miss in Donetsk, apart from her family in Kiev. She would share an apartment with another balletdancer. Vadim Pisarev was able to acquire this apartment for them, which madeIana very happy because now she would be able to enjoy more freedom.

There wasn’t a nanny anymore who would follow her around everywhere and tell her offfor certain things she would do. That’s how she remembered her time in the dormitory.

This was the time Iana would grow creatively, not only in her ballet education or during her performances on stage in Donetsk but inother areas of life as well.

She also attended a modelling school to become a photography Model. The school was very near to the theatre. The classes provided knowledge on things like how to use the right make up and how to applyit.

She was taught how to walk on a catwalk and everything one would need to know about casting. Once she even received an offer to work with a Parisian modelling agency.

It all seemed so exciting and Vadim Pisarev supported her all the way. He thought it was important for Iana to grow as an artist and to learn about other ways to be creatively active. He even encouraged her to take part in the drama classes at the theatre.

Of course with so many new things to learn, Iana wouldn’t have much time for other things like partying or hanging out withfriends; only very intense work.

To leave Donetsk was not an easy decision but Iana knew it was time to move on in order for her to grow and experience different aspects of her dream. The decision didn’t come over night.

„Should I stayor should I not stay?“

„Should I really leave the city that gave me so much love and support? The ballet teachers who set me on the path to my dream career? “

These questions were constantly running through her mind. She tried to tell herself that this would be her way of giving back for all the good things she had been given but her thoughts were pulling her in different directions and she didn’t know what to do. She didn’t feel comfortable enough to talk to anyone about it so she kept it to herself which would eventually start eating her up inside.

Her brother, Jaroslaw, decided for himself that he would never go back to Donetsk.  Iana decided to follow him to Boston, America to take part in a tour. From there, Jaroslaw received a contract from the balletdirector of Boston to work in his company as a ballet dancer. Iana received the same offer but she had a different idea about what she wanted to do next. Her idea was to go back to Donetsk to train more and improve herself. This was the placewhere she could experiment with her artistry on stage. 

Boston wasn’t the end destination for Ianas‘ brotherJaroslaw. He later went on to dance with Miami Ballet. Miami seemed to be abetter place for him to dance. This decision didn’t seem to have any influence on Iana however, so she flew back to Donetsk and would be there on her own this time, without her brother. This made her miss her family back home in Kiev evenmore. She felt alone and was in need of her parents and all she wanted now was to go back home.

Later, a new love interest emerged for Iana

 He was a Japanese dancer from Kiev. He was already very successful in his career. Iana experienced quite strong feelings for him. He told Iana that he was watching one of her performances in Donetsk and that from that moment on, he was alreadyin love with her.


My new Japanese boyfriend seemed a little obsessed with me

He was fascinated by Iana’s dancing. He felt that it was powerful yet effort less and elegant. She had the ability to emotionally transform the audience with her roles. He would come more frequently to Donetsk to see her. At one point he started to insist for her to move to Kiev with him and become a Ballerina in the Kiev company. Was that what she should do? She didn’t know.

Let’s live and work together in Kiev

Iana was deeply flattered by the attention she got from him. He would have done anything for her. She enjoyed this attention but she also had the desire to be independent and follow her own path.
Iana’s boyfriend asked her if she would go with him to Japan, his home country, in order to participate in an international ballet competition. After a long flight, they arrived in Japan where Iana was introduced to his mother. His mother was incredibly important to him.

He worshiped her like a Goddess. Iana found the Japanese culture and traditions to be very interesting and everyone was so kind to her. It brought her great joy to see the respect they had for the ballet dancers.

Iana was also overjoyed to receive a special prize at the competition. Her experiences in Japan were a big part of her decision to move back to Kiev.

She had a good heart and she never forgot the people by her side

That was the tipping point for her to move back to Kiev. The moment Iana let go, she felt the pain. It hurt deep within her heart because she had left behind good people; good friends. Iana had never been the type of person who would show her inner feelings to others. She either expressed them through dancing or kept them buried inside herself. She had kept all of these emotions hidden because it was important to her to develop her skills, expand her horizons and strive to become the best ballerina she could. The thought of her being with her boyfriend in Kiev and being with her parents again were important factors in her decision to move back to Kiev.

Flashback

„We will shortly be arriving in Kiev.“  Said a voice from the speaker on the train. Iana opened her eyes. Finally, very soon she would see her family again.

„Daddy, could you drive back to Donetsk one more time and explain to Vadim Pisarev why I had to leave without saying goodbye or telling him why?“

Iana begged her father, Anatoli, after her tears upon arrival had dried. Anatoli couldn’t deny the request of his daughter. He drove back to Donetsk and explained to Vadim why Iana had returned to Kiev. He tried his best but he felt a little lost for words. However, Vadim was very understanding. He only wanted the best for Iana.

Iana mentioned at the end of our conversation: „Today, I’m more sure than ever that I had the best dance education in the best school in the world. Therefore I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart, Vadim Pisarev and Irina Pisareva, for your love and support throughout all these years. You will always have a place in my heart.“



GESPRÄCHE MIT EINER PRIMA BALLERINA

THE SHOCK

Hospital in Donetsk.
„You cannot dance anymore, your back is broken. If you do not stop, you will soon be unable to walk“, the doctor in the hospital room told Iana. She was struggling to hold back the tears and her mouth was dry. She was in shock. Her body was paralysed with fear. How could it be over before it had even really started? And what about her dreams of a great, maybe even international career as a ballerina?

The pain in her back had become stronger over time. The hard training, the mental stress, her struggle with anorexia – these were probably the reasons she felt so bad. Iana was desperate, she saw no way out. No treatment, no sophisticated therapy, even the procedure with the magnets showed no effect.

What remained was the pain from the intervertebral discs. The hope for a recovery faded away. Iana thought about what she had already achieved. She already danced as a permanent member of the dance company.

Vadim Pisarev was not only the leader of this ensemble, he was also her patron and enabled her to learn from the greatest ballet dancers, who he brought from around the world to the Donetsk stage.

Iana could learn a lot from watching them dance. She used every free minute to exercise, sneaking into the exercise room at boarding school in the evenings, rehearsing dance moves, over and over again. She had the desire to be perfect.

Iana watched the videos of her great role models and discovered that the dancers all looked thin, even skinny. She wanted to be like them.

„I was fanatical. I just did not eat anything. I did not see anyone anymore, just myself“, she recalls today, adding that she had also dreamed of a modeling career.

What she wanted to be more than anything was thin and perfect like the dancers she saw in videos. That turned into a strong addiction.

The homesickness, the longing for her family, her parents, the urge to make no mistakes made everything even worse. All this affected her health, leading to her anorexia, from which she obviously could not free herself.

She got nosebleeds, could not sleep, was white in the face, and always thought about food. When she had to be treated at the hospital for her herniated disc, she saw the situation as an additional opportunity to starve herself. She ate nothing at all.

Irina Pisareva was a friend and helper during this difficult time.
Irina was the director of the Ballet School in Donetsk and wife of Vadim Pisarev. One day she told Iana,

„Well, I’ll take you home with me. You will get well with me.“ Irina was pregnant and was able to stay at home and take care of Iana. Iana stayed with her for a total of two weeks. At the beginning, she had a lot of difficulty eating.

„I feel stuffed“, Iana would say, but Irina never gave up on her and was able to get Iana to eat regularly again.

During this time, Irina went with Iana to a fortune-teller. Iana was afraid of the fortune-teller because she had a very dark and scary voice.

„Address your words to God and ask forgiveness“, she told Iana, then she gave Iana what she called ‚miracle water‘ or ‚holy water‘. Iana did not taste anything special, only normal water.

Iana also continued some daily training through this period even though she felt pain. She did yoga in order to build muscles to stabilize the intervertebral discs. Finally Iana felt better and she was able to return to her apartment in Donetsk, where she lived with a girlfriend from the ballet.

When Iana’s brother Yaroslav saw her for the first time after these two weeks, his first words to her were, „Well, a little thick!“ It was true. Iana had become stronger, and she had done well. Through all of this, Iana’s parents had not heard about anything – nothing about Iana’s anorexia and none of her back pain.

„It was a bad time for me because I thought I would never dance again. I thought my career was over. I was very depressed,“ Iana recalls today. But she also learned what real friendship and selfless help could do. She is forever grateful for Irina Pisareva and has a very special place in her heart for her.

GESPRÄCHE MIT EINER PRIMA BALLERINA

GET UP, CHILDREN

Maya Ivanovna struggled down the hall. She was the nanny and responsible for everything that affected the daily routine of the school children.

In fact, she was the surrogate mother to most of the growing ballet students in Donetsk.

„Good morning, children, it’s time to get up.“
The voice of the nanny left no doubt about it: the night was over. Iana pulled the blanket over her head, turned to the other side, and squeezed her eyes so she would not be exposed to the bright light.

„Iana, you don’t need to snuggle up again. It’s almost time for breakfast.“

Iana did not answer to what the nanny said, but sat up in bed and kept her eyes closed. She slides herself off the bed, turned to her closet, and pulled out a fresh towel.

Then she shuffled slowly towards the sink and stopped. Although they were only a few girls, everyone was crowded in the morning and so Iana had to wait.
Finally, she turned on the tap, dabbed her face, arms, and torso.

„Take care that you do not get too much water, “ said Maja Ivanovna.
Iana had not noticed that the nanny was still in the room. She didn’t want to speak at this early time, so she let the nanny’s mocking comment unanswered.

„Kids, hurry up a bit. If you’re done, please go to breakfast.“

In the dining room sat a few guys and had already started the breakfast.There was tea, bread, kasha, jam.
Anyone who wanted could get a fried egg.

Iana broke off a little bit of bread and ate with jam on it. She chewed slowly, but most of the time she was the first to finish eating.
Sometimes she brought the plates over to the boys. They were happy about an additional ration to their breakfast.

„So, in ten minutes the school starts. So hurry up, “ Maya Ivanovna called out. English was on the timetable for the first hour.
„What’s your dream, Iana?“ the teacher asked. Iana liked to dream. But it was just too early that day.

 

GESPRÄCHE MIT EINER PRIMA BALLERINA

THE FIRST KISS

The first day came to an end in Donetsk. Iana was in her new bed, in the room where she would live now for many months.

“Sleep well, children”, the Nanny said and switchedoff the lights. Iana could not sleep.  Thinking of her father, who hadaccompanied her and Jaroslaw here.Only,this time he went back alone.

“Don’t worry. Everything will be alright, ” the nanny said to Anatoli.

He nodded silently and swallowed. He was fighting keeping back his tears. As much as he wished that his Yanochka could live her dream, so much he had to fight with tears.

Iana rolled back and forth in her bed. She was happy and sad at the same time.

She snuggled into her blanket. Suddenly, Alexanderappeared in her thoughts.

Alexander – Iana’s childhood love

Her childhood love. She was 13 and he was 14 years old.

They met for the first time in the Kiev BalletAcademy. Alexander often looked over at her. He stood with his clique in thebreak on the schoolyard. From time to time their eyes crossed, just unexpectedly.

It was electrifying. As if by magic. Like both sides said into the room,

„I like you. And I like you too.“

Alexander was a handsome boy. His dark black eyebrows and blue eyes made Iana crazy. His hair was dyed blond. He looked for Iana like Leonardo DiCaprio, his body muscular and manly.

Alexander did not talk much, seemed cool when hewas in the company of his friends.

Iana was in mathematics class. Suddenly, the boy turned around on the school bench in front of her and gave her a note.

Iana looked up and looked straight into the face of Alexander, who was sitting in the front row of the school. He had written the note and let it pass all the way back to Iana.

„Do you want to go with me?“

Was written on the note that Iana unfolded, careful so that the teacher did not see it.

Iana came home, threw herself on the bed and stared at the ceiling.

 She thought, „I’m in love, “ and washappy.

But it did not happen much.

And again Alexander wrote her a note with the same words:

„Will you go with me?“

Iana did not answer. But in her eyes Alexandercould read: „Yes, I want.“

The fleeting kiss in the Kiev Opera

Another month had been passed.

„Don’t you want to go to the top balcony withmy friends? We’ll watch the show from there.“

„Yes,“ Iana answered immediately. Shefelt safe, because she was more with boys than with girls. Specially becauseshe grew up with four brothers.

Every day Alexander and Iana had seen each other at the opera.

But it never had been happened that both would touched each other.

Up in the rank, in a dark corner sat the boys and Iana. Next to her was Alexander. Carefully, he put his arm around Iana’s shoulder.

With clear eyes he made his friends understand that they should make themselves disappear. Silently and quietly they left the corner.

Alexander leaned forward and touched Iana’s cheek.He searched her lips. They touched each other.

And they kissed. A pleasant and tense feeling came up in Iana.

„That should never stop, ” thought Iana.

But it would not be repeated. She was still suffering from a young student trying to abuse her in an elevator.

So Iana kissed Alexander back, but she didn’t let it get to a french kiss.

„I want to bring you home. I do not want youto go alone, ” Alexander said afterwards.

He was in love up to his ears.

 „We can be good friends, but not more, ”Iana told him.

Nevertheless, Alexander cut the name of his love Iana into his arm. He drank and started smoking. He was so desperate that Iana did not hear him completely.

Iana turned in bed in Donetsk on the other side.

„It was nice with him, ”  was her last thought,before she fell asleep gently.

 

GESPRÄCHE MIT EINER PRIMA BALLERINA

 The first day at the ballet school of Donetsk

The servant at the school entrance was already waiting for Iana, together with her brother Jaroslav and her father Anatoli.

„Welcome. Our headmistress is informed that you are coming today. This way please.“

The director was young, pretty, and smiled at all three of them.

„Please come, I’ll show you everything,“ she said after the welcome.

Iana saw her room for the first time, where she will live for many weeks and months.

Each roommate had a small corner that she could use for private purposes. A small black cabinet had to be enough for the personal belongings and the wardrobe.

„Do we have to speak Ukrainian at school as it was ordained by the state in 1996?“, Iana asked the Headmistress.

„You mean because it’s the official language in Ukraine since last year?“

„Yes.“

„No, the lessons are given in Russian.“

Iana breathed. She grew up with the Russian language. Her parents spoke Russian, her grandma, her brothers, her friends.

Later, all three walked across the courtyard to the other side of the street, into the building, where Vadim Pisarev resided and ran the Ballet Company.

This included the ballet school, the place where Iana would spend a lot of time in the future.

 Iriana Pisareva – the soul of the ballet school

„My name is Irina Pisareva and I run the ballet school.“

And before anyone could say anything, she went on:

„Vadim is my brother. He takes care of the artistic direction of the company. I take his work off here, I’m responsible for all questions in the ballet school. “

She looked friendly at all three , her figure was plump and she did not give the impression of a well-trained dancer.

Iana liked that. It somehow took away the inner pressure she felt during the interview.

„Anyone else want a piece of cake?“, Irina Pisareva looked around.

„Yes, you can give me one more and tea as well, please!“,Yaroslav answered.

For him it was very clear. He would go his way here.

And so he remained calm above everybody else. Only once, when the headmistress announced that everyone would get a nanny to take care of them and take responsibility for the children, he said, „Why a nanny? For my sister, good. But me. I’m already grown up, I can take care of myself alone “

Anatoli leaned forward to his son and whispered in his ear: „You are 15 years old and do what you are told here. Did you understand that?“

Yaroslav nodded silently.

 Grand – Pas de deux

„Well, we’d like to see you both dancing now, you and your brother,“ Irina Pisareva said suddenly.

Iana looked electrified: „I’m not warmed up. I can’t .“

„You can do that,“ Irina Pisareva reassured her.

„Please change, and Iana do not forget the pointe shoes.“

Yaroslav danced first. A gopak, a top Ukrainian dance.

He danced confident and light. He got the talent from his father. Like Iana.

Yaroslav was very ambitious. At home, he turned on the radio and danced to the music, spinning in circles, over and over again.

„Can you do that too?“ He shouted to Iana.

She did not answer, but instead turned in a circle.

There was a constant competition between the two.

Now it was Iana’s turn to do the audition. She danced, stopped, was desperate, not satisfied.

After that both siblings danced together, a grand – pas de deux, the duet of two dancers.

They danced through the whole pas de deux – Entrèe, Adagio. In addition the respective variations of Iana and Jaroslaw and finally the Coda.

„Great!“ Irina Pisareva said with satisfaction.

„You both have been admitted to school“.

„You danced like a snail, only slower“.

 You still have a lot to learn, Iana

While Jaroslaw said that, he was full of self-confidence and Iana looked miserably down.

Anatoli did not look  very enthusiastically over at Iana. He was disappointed with his daughter.

„Well, you both passed, we only have to pay very little money and you can learn a lot here,“ he said after a while.

They said goodbye to Irina Pisareva and drove back to the station.

Anatoli grabbed the Piroshki for dinner on the train and Jaroslaw was the first to grab some.

„You still have to practice a lot to get relaxed,” he said, chewing and packing his cheeks to Iana.

She did not answer him. She was happy anyway. After Christmas they could start their long-awaited education in Donetsk.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

GESPRÄCHE MIT EINER PRIMA BALLERINA

DONETSK – DECEMBER 1997

Translation, powered by Marian Walter 

Iana, her brother Yaroslav and her father Anatoli looked a bit sleepy through the window in the compartment and saw the first outline of the houses before the train from Kiev rolled into the Donetsk train station.

The brakes creaked and the passengers, who were already in the corridors of the railroad car, were pushed forward. Everyone wanted to get out of the train as quickly as possible and onto the platform.

They had been driving all night, from 8 o’clock in the evening until 8 o’clock in the morning, twelve hours on the way. Anatoli asked his children, while looking at Iana, „did you sleep a little?“ „Hm, good,“ grumbled Yaroslav.

„Oh, Dad, I’m so excited about what the day brings us today,“ said Iana. Anatoli smiled. He understood the excitement of his daughter. After all, a whole new chapter in her life began for her.

„What should he bring,“ her brother answered instead. „We’ll look at everything and then we’ll be admitted to the ballet school,“ Jaroslaw said.

„Now do not have such a big mouth, help me to bring the suitcase down from above,“ said Iana’s father to him and stretched to get to the suitcase.

Finally they were able to get out. The train wagon had been pleasantly warm still. Now they stood on the platform and Iana shivered. From cold and excitement. Iana had made it and was a little closer to her dream of becoming a great ballerina.

Father Anatoli tried to orient himself on the platform and figure out which bus to take to the ballet school. Iana’s thoughts wandered off. She still could not believe that a new phase of life was beginning for her now.

With a little sadness she thought of her teacher Traviata Ivanovna. „Child, you have great talent and if you are diligent then you will go far.“

„How far, Traviata Ivanovna?“ „Well, that’s up to you. If you come to class regularly, do your exercises, then a lot has already been done. “ „And what else can I do?“ Iana continued.

„Love the dance with all your passion that you carry in yourself. Do not be discouraged, especially if you think you can not do it anymore.“

Traviata Ivanovna herself had received her ability at the famous Vaganova School in St. Petersburg. She had no children and when she met her husband, they got married and moved to Kiev. There she worked as a teacher in the ballet academy.

Lucky for Iana. Traviata Ivanovna quickly recognized Iana’s talent and was evenstricter to make her achieve her great goal of becoming a ballerina.

„You need strong back muscles, you have to learn how to hold and move your arms and shoulders correctly,“ Traviata Ivanovna told Iana. „And why do I have to practice the Grand Allegro so often, jump so far and make the pirouettes again and again?“ Iana sank exhausted on the dance floor.

„Did I say something about a break?“ The teacher prompted. And more forgiving, she added: „Aggripina Vaganova has designed this training method.

As a ballerina and teacher, she has made our Russian ballet famous all over the world. If you want to be like them, then do not ask why you should practice so much, but ask what else you can do. Learn from the best.

And I’ll tell you what’s needed. Up, up, it goes on, and please: Grand allegro! “ Iana caught fire again, her exhaustion was blown away as she jumped.  

Summer 1996. Pioneer camp Artek. Iana won the first prize in the dance competition. She was overjoyed. All the stress, the school in between, practice again and again, the relentless harshness of her teacher – all this brought her now on the podium.

„Mamutschka, look, here’s a letter from St. Petersburg, from the Vaganova ballet-cadre,“ said Iana. „Open up, what’s in it?“, Iana’s mother asked, preparing the kasha for dinner. „I can start right there, mom, to get an education.“

„Yanochka, we can not pay for that.“ Svetlana knew that she would not be able to bear the costs of training her daughter. Of course, she also knew what it meant to make that clear to her daughter. Iana had just returned from Artek, winning a first prize.

She noticed a jury member who also worked as a teacher in St. Petersburg. Very few children were even shortlisted to receive training at the Ballet Academy in St. Petersburg. And even less did the entrance exam. But Iana, she was allowed to start there immediately.

„Yanochka, we can not pay 50 euros for you and your brother, that’s not in possible,“ Svetlana said as she carried the plates to the table. „Besides, it’s way too far and too dangerous. You’re just 14 years old now. “

„What should happen to me?“, Iana replied while she was struggling with tears. At the same time, Svetlana knew nothing of what had happened to her daughter only a few weeks before. It was late in the evening and it was already dark. Iana came back as always from dance training.

She heard footsteps behind her. She turned around and behind her walked a man. He seemed to be still young, maybe in his early twenties.

He swayed slightly. Iana started to walk faster. She reached her front door, unlocked it and disappeared into the hallway. The man had followed her and was now standing at the elevator door. The elevator seemed to take even longer to get down. As the doors opened, Iana glided inside and pressed herself against the back wall of the elevator.

„Which floor do you want go?“, the man asked her. He came closer to Iana. His breath smelled of alcohol. „To the sixth floor,“ Iana answered, even she lived one floor higher. She felt her heart racing with fear. The young man pushed the button, the doors closed and the elevator moved up.

„You’re so beautiful,“ mumbled the man as he breathed his alcohol-soaked breath into Iana’s face and moved closer and closer to her. Suddenly he tried to reach under her skirt. Iana took all her courage and energy together.

When the elevator stopped and the doors opened, she pushed the stranger away with all her power, ran past him and disappeared from the elevator.

„For a long time, I’ve had to fight with it,“ she recalls today. Her mother was not allowed to hear about it. Absolutely no way. She would not have let Iana go to education anywhere.

Traviata Ivanovna, however, had soon after the right inspiration: She turned to Iana one day during class. „Why don’t you go to Donetsk? I know there the head of the ballet company Wadim Pisarev? „, Iana and her brother Yaroslav got this opportunity thanks to Traviata Ivanovna, and for very little money.  

Train station in Donetsk „Kids, hurry up now. The bus there goes to school. “ Anatoli tore Iana out of her thoughts. Now she could feel the strong smell of coal that blew over from the large industrial yards and shaped the city.

The bus drove past the houses, which seemed small to Iana. And she noticed the narrow streets, was pleased, how well maintained everything looked. They had arrived at the school. Iana’s heart throbbed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

GESPRÄCHE MIT EINER PRIMA BALLERINA (4)

SCHREIE GELLTEN DURCH DIE NACHT

Großmutter Ludmila erzählt Iana, wie sie von ihrem Mann misshandelt wurde.

„Hilfe, so helft mir doch!“

Es war die verzweifelte Stimme von Ludmilla, Ianas geliebter Großmutter. Sie blutete.

Wassili, Ludmillas Ehemann, hatte auf sie eingestochen, brüllend vor Trunkenheit.

Als Iana das wiedergab, da war Stille im Raum.

„Oma hat es mir erzählt, nachdem ich sie immer wieder dazu gedrängt hatte“, erinnert sie sich heute.

„Es war für mich, als würde ich selbst unter diesen Schmerzen leiden. Oma war aus dem Haus gelaufen, in den Garten, zu ihrem Lieblingsbaum, in der Hoffnung, sie würde von jemandem auf der gegenüberliegenden Straße gehört werden.“

Für Iana ist es noch heute ein Wunder, wie ihre Großmutter Ludmilla das alles ertrug. Und später  sich das ganze Leid, das ihr wiederfahren war, nie groß anmerken ließ.

„Oma bekam mit 14 Jahren ihr erstes Kind. Sie hatte keine durchgehende Schulbildung erhalten. 1920 geboren ging es für sie immer ums Überleben“, erzählt Iana mit trauriger Stimme.

Und weiter: „Oma hat schon als Kind selbst viel Leid ertragen müssen und fürchterliche  Dinge gesehen. Anfang der dreißiger Jahre brach in der Ukraine eine große Hungersnot aus. Über drei Millionen Menschen starben. Die damalige Sowjetregierung erließ einen ‚Ukas‘, nachdem die Bauern nahezu 100 Prozent der Getreideernte abgeben mussten, und so selbst fast nichts für die eigene Versorgung behielten“, erinnert sich Iana an die Berichte ihrer Großmutter.

„Ich sah als Kind, wie andere Kinder verhungerten. Die Bilder waren kaum zu ertragen. Ein Stück Brot war in der Zeit tatsächlich mit Gold aufzuwiegen“, erzählte Ludmilla später ihrer Enkelin.

Ludmilla heiratete einen Lehrer. Der kämpfte im 2. Weltkrieg gegen die Deutschen und fiel an der Front.

Später, nach dem Krieg heiratete Ludmilla ein zweites Mal – Wassili.

Wassili ist der Großvater von Iana und der Vater ihrer Mutter, Swetlana.

„Ich kenne Wassili nur aus den Erzählungen“, sagt Iana.

„Dein Großvater war ein Säufer und Taugenichts.“

Das klang hart aus Ludmillas Mund. Doch die erlittenen Verletzungen, seelisch und physisch, saßen tief.

„Oma, von Anfang an?“

„Nein, Yanochka, nicht von Anfang an, das war er nicht. Wie hätte ich ihn sonst heiraten können?“

„Ja, Babuschka.“

„Dein Großvater litt sehr stark unter den Kriegserlebnissen. Er muss viel Grausames gesehen haben. ‚Hände hoch‘, so rief er manchmal im Schlaf. Später, da begann er zu trinken und mich zu schlagen. Das war schlimm.“

Iana beobachtete ihre Großmutter, wenn sie darüber sprach. Ihr herbes Gesicht wurde noch herber, die Falten schienen sich dann noch tiefer einzugraben.

„Großvater hat sich das Leben genommen. Er hat es wahrscheinlich nicht mehr ertragen, dass ich mich von ihm getrennt habe, dass ihn die Kriegserlebnisse in den nächtlichen Träumen einholten und dass ihn der Alkohol nach und nach zerstörte, den Rest an Würde nahm“, beschloss Ludmilla die Erinnerungen an ihren Mann.

Dabei war Ludmilla mal eine schöne Frau. Knapp 1,50 groß, schlank, mit fraulicher Figur.

„Oma trug stets ein Kopftuch, hatte dunkles, gewelltes Haar. Sie wollte aber nicht, dass dies andere Dorfbewohner sahen“, erinnert sich Iana.

„Manchmal bekam ich Angst vor Oma, wenn sie ernst schaute. Es war der Blick einer leidgeprüften Frau, mit einer dunklen Stimme, die zudem auch noch furchteinflößend klang.“

Yanochka aber, das war der Liebling von Ludmilla. Ihre Enkelin brachte viel Sonnenschein in ihr Herz. Und Iana wusste: auch wenn Oma streng schaute, mit tiefer Stimme sprach, ihre Seele viele Narben trug, so war sie doch ein Mensch, mit einem großen Herzen. Ein Mensch, der mit all der Kraft, die ihr verblieben war,  sich für die Familie aufopferte.

„Yanochka, komm runter vom Baum, es gibt Piroschki, gefüllt mit Birnen“, rief Ludmilla an einem sonnigen Nachmittag. Einem Tag wie ihn Iana vielfach erlebte, und die ihr vor allem in den Momenten in  Erinnerung sein werden, in denen sie an ihre geliebte Großmutter Ludmilla denkt.

 

GESPRÄCHE MIT EINER PRIMA BALLERINA (3)

OMA, ICH WILL FÜR DICH TANZEN

Iana erinnert sich an das Haus ihrer Oma Ludmila.

Ludmilas Haus war klein, was es noch gemütlicher erscheinen ließ. Es gab insgesamt drei Zimmer, von denen keines größer war als  10 bis 15 Quadratmeter.

Bevor Iana mit ihren Eltern und den Brüdern nach Kiew zog, wohnten dort auf engem Raum sieben Personen – Ludmilla, Ianas Eltern Swetlana und Anatoli, und ihre vier Brüder Roman, Ruslan, Bogdan  und Yaroslaw.

Das Dach war mit Welldachplatten gedeckt, aus Metall. Es gab einen Hühnerstall, einen Schweinestall, und im Keller war ein großer Raum, in dem die Lebensmittel, wie Fleisch und Gemüse, gelagert wurden.

Vor dem Haus befand sich ein gut befestigter Weg, auf dem Iana gern spielte und auch tanzte. Das war ihre kleine Bühne. Der Weg führte zu einem Brunnen und davor hatte sich Ludmila einen kleinen Sitzplatz eingerichtet. Sie saß dort gern, zwischen all den Bäumen, Sträuchern, dem Gemüse und den Blumen.

So war es auch an einem Sommerabend. Es war noch hell, die Arbeit getan und Ludmilla setzte sich auf die Bank. Ihre Knie taten ihr weh und sie wollte ein wenig die Abendsonne genießen. Ludmilla schaute zu Iana, die mal wieder in ihrem Lieblingsbaum, dem Birnenbaum hockte.

„Yanochka, tanz‘ ein bisschen für mich“, rief Ludmilla ihrer Enkelin zu und wie zur Bekräftigung klatschte sie in die Hände.

Iana ließ sich nicht lange bitten. Sie kam zu Ludmilla gelaufen, schwang die Beine, wackelte mit den Hüften und drehte sich im Kreis vor ihrer Oma.

Das waren für beide die schönsten Momente. So sieht es Iana heute noch. Sie erinnert sich heute sehr gern an diese kleinen Begebenheiten, und ihr Herz geht dabei auf: „Das ist der eigentliche Reichtum im Leben. Du denkst, du bekommst noch mehr. Das ist vielleicht auch so. Aber die wirklichen Minuten des Glücks, die entstehen durch ein glückliches Familienleben, eine glückliche Kindheit durch die Liebe, die mir meine Oma gab. Das vergisst du nie und du zehrst ein Leben lang davon.“

Iana erinnert sich auch gern daran, wie ihre Oma mit den Fingern Schattenspiele machte, kleine Gutenachtgeschichte damit erzählte. Ludmila sprach auch von Sirko, dem alten Hund, den der Bauer von seinem Hof in der Ukraine jagte.

„Das würden wir nie tun. Stimmt’s Oma?“

„Ja, mein Kind, das wäre herzlos.“

Und wie auf Kommando hörte Iana von draussen das fröhliche Bellen von Ludmilas Hund.

Wenn Ludmila die Geschichte fertig erzählt hatte und Iana immer noch nicht schlafen mochte, drängte sie Ludmila: „Oma, erzähl‘ mir von früher, wie du jung warst.“

„Ach, weißt du Kind, das ist so lange her.“

„Bitte, Oma, erzähl. Wer war diese Frau, die so gut tanzen konnte?“

„Meinst du die Plissetzkaja?“

„Ja, Oma, die meine ich.“

Ludmilla verehrte Maja Plissetzkaja.

„Das ist eine große russische Prima Ballerina“, hob sie an zu sprechen. Auch wenn Ludmila oft nicht gut auf die Russen zu sprechen war, hier machte sie eine Ausnahme.

„Sie kam aus einer russisch-jüdischen Ballettfamilie und wurde 1925 in Moskau geboren. Sie ist eine der erfolgreichsten Balletttänzerinnen und Choreografen weltweit.“

„Was hat sie getanzt, Oma?“

„Ihre Glanzrolle war der ‚Sterbende Schwan‘. Ach, das konnte sie am besten.“

„Tanzt sie denn noch?“, fragte Iana sie. Es war Mitte der achtziger Jahre.

„Ja, aber natürlich. Nicht mehr so viel wie früher. Aber sie ist noch aktiv und lebt, so glaube ich in Deutschland.“

„Kind, wenn du gern tanzt, dann musst du dir die großen Künstler auf dieser Welt zum Vorbild nehmen.“

„Warum, Oma?“

„Weil du dich an ihnen orientieren kannst, an ihrem Willen, etwas zu erreichen. Und wenn du größer bist, dann kannst du ihnen nacheifern.“

„Aber ich will das jetzt schon, rief Iana und schwang sich noch einmal aus dem Bett, um sich vor ihrer Oma im Kreis zu drehen.“

„Gut, jetzt aber ins Bett“, schmunzelte Ludmila.

Ludmila seufzte.

„Oma, bist du traurig“, fragte Iana.

„Nein, Yanochka. Ich denke nur daran, dass die Plissetzkaja auch kein leichtes Leben hatte. Und da kam mir mein Leben in den Sinn. Wir sind ja fast ein Alter. Gut, die Plissetzkaja ist fünf Jahre jünger.“

„Was war denn so schwer in ihrem Leben?“

„Ihr Vater wurde verhaftet und hingerichtet, unter Stalin. Und die Mutter saß auch in einem Lager“, seufzte Ludmilla.

„Oma, sei nicht traurig. Du hast doch mich.“

„Ich weiß“, sagte Ludmilla mit ihrer dunklen und etwas traurigen Stimme und strich ihrer Yanochka liebevoll über das Haar.

„Oma, wenn morgen früh die Sonne scheint, dann tanze ich wieder draußen auf dem Hof für dich und du klatscht dazu in die Hände. Ich will so werden wie diese Plissetzkaja.“

„Das wirst du Yanochka. Geh‘ deinen Weg und werde vor allem glücklich im Leben. Dann kannst du alles erreichen“, sagte Ludmilla und löschte das Licht.

Iana drehte sich auf die Seite, sah den hellen Mond durch das Fenster scheinen und träumte davon, eine Tänzerin auf einer großen Bühne zu sein. 

 

GESPRÄCHE MIT EINER PRIMA BALLERINA (2)

YANOCKA, AUFSTEHEN, ES SCHNEIT
Ianas Erinnerungen an ihre Kindheitstage auf dem Dorf, im Haus ihrer Oma. Fortsetzung

Oma Ludmila stand am Fenster und machte ihre gymnastischen Übungen, wie jeden Morgen. Iana hatte längst gehört, dass ihre Oma aufgestanden war. Sie schlief neben ihr auf der Couch und die knarrte, wenn sich jemand bewegte.

Trotzdem antwortete Iana ihrer Oma nicht. Sie mochte sich noch nicht bewegen oder sprechen. Sie machte nur ein Auge auf und sah die kreisenden Arme von Babuschka.

„Schau‘ doch mal, es hat geschneit“, sagte Ludmila.

„Wirklich?“

„Komm‘ aus dem Bett und sieh‘ selbst nach.“

Mit einem Ruck schmiss Iana die Decke beiseite, sprang in ihre Pantoffel und lief zum Fenster. Draussen war alles weiß. Es fielen Schneeflocken und von weitem hörte Iana einen Hund bellen.

„Oma, Oma ich möchte raus und spielen!“ Iana hüpfte und sprang  freudig vor Ludmila auf und ab.

„Dann wasch‘ dich, zieh dich an und nach dem Frühstück kannst du vor die Tür.“

Iana lief zur Waschschüssel, benetzte flüchtig ihr Gesicht mit ein wenig Wasser und putzte sich die Zähne. Sie streifte die Kleider über und lief wieder zum Fenster.

„Oma, sieh‘ doch, das Tor ist zugeschneit, wir können es ja gar nicht öffnen.“

„Ja, ich muss nach dem Frühstück dort den Schnee wegschaufeln“, brummte Ludmila, während sie den Tee bereitete.

Endlich. Iana stand im Garten. Es glitzerte, alles sah so sauber aus. Sie ließ sich rücklings in den Schnee fallen und juchzte vor Freude. Ludmila hatte sie warm und dick angezogen, so dick, dass sie sich kaum noch bewegen konnte.

Nachmittags. Iana saß am Fenster. Es wurde langsam dunkel und es hatte aufgehört zu schneien. Sie konnte stundenlang aus dem Fenster schauen, auf das glitzernde Weiß. Es waren nur Ludmilas knirschende Schritte zu hören, wenn sie mit ihren dicken Filzstiefeln durch den Schnee stakte, den Besen in der Hand, um den Schnee am Gartenzaun wegzufegen.

Dann kam Ludmila herein.

„Yanochka, jetzt machen wir uns Tee. Ich habe die Piroschki mit Birnen zubereitet. Die isst du doch so gern.“

„Oh ja, Oma.“ Iana liebte die Piroschki, die Ludmila selbst buk und sie dann mit den Früchten aus dem eigenen Garten füllte.

„Diese Zeit muss niemals enden“, dachte Iana und träumte, während sie weiter aus dem Fenster sah, die Stille in sich aufnahm und nichts vermisste. Sie hatte fast nichts. Und es fehlte ihr an nichts. Sie war einfach nur glücklich, auf dem Hof zu sein, bei ihrer Großmutter, und das saubere Weiß zu bestaunen, das nun alles bedeckte.

„Iana, der Tee ist fertig“,  rief Marian, „willst du auch einen?“

„Oh ja, gern“, antwortete Iana und versuchte wieder in ihren Kindheitstraum zurück zu gelangen.

 

GESPRÄCHE MIT EINER PRIMA BALLERINA (1)

YANOCHKA, WO TREIBST DU DICH WIEDER RUM?
Iana erinnert sich an ihre Kindheitstage bei ihrer Oma auf dem Dorf.

Es ist Sommer. In Fastiv, einem kleinen Ort in der Nähe von Kiew, ist die Aufregung groß.  Iana Salenko wird auf dem Hof ihrer Großmutter Ludmila am 19. Juli 1983 geboren. Keiner konnte zu dem Zeitpunkt ahnen, dass es sich hier um das Mädchen handelte, dass später einmal auf den großen Bühnen dieser Welt stehen würde.

Es war noch keine Prima Ballerina geboren. Vielmehr: ein Kind, für das der Hof mit seinen Kühen, Schweinen, Hühnern, dem schiefen Zaun, den Holzbalken, die ausgeblichen waren, viel Geborgenheit ausstrahlte. Iana trägt diese Erinnerungen wie einen besonderen Schatz in ihrem Herzen.

Sie liebte ihre Oma Ludmila sehr und Ludmila liebte ihre kleine Enkelin. Ein Jahr nach ihrer Geburt zog Iana mit ihren Eltern nach Kiew,  70 km von Fastiv entfernt. Doch für Iana blieb der Hof in Fastiv ein wichtiger Lebensmittelpunkt. Hier spielte sie, saß in den Bäumen, schrammte sich die Knie auf, ärgerte den Hund an der Leine und konnte sich nicht vorstellen, dass es einen schöneren Ort auf diesem Erdball gab.

Fastiv ist inzwischen eine Stadt in der Ukraine, unweit von Kiew, in der über 50 Tausend Menschen wohnen. „ ‚Fastiv‘ ist auf Ukrainisch ausgesprochen, ‚Fastow‘ heißt es auf Russisch“, sagt Iana und betont damit die enge Verbindung zwischen der Ukraine und Russland.

„Das ist für mich manchmal gar nicht so leicht zu erklären“, sagt Iana, wenn sie auf das Verhältnis der Länder zu sprechen kommt, die heute beide als souveräne Staaten existieren.

„Es gab schon immer Liebe und Hass, enge Verbindungen und kriegerische Auseinandersetzungen“, erklärt sie im Gespräch. Man merkt ihr an, dass sie sich nichts sehnlicher wünscht, als Frieden zwischen den Menschen.

„Das kleine Städtchen Fastiv wird erstmals 1390 erwähnt. Später nach 1870 erhielt der Ort durch den Bau der Eisenbahn eine größere Bedeutung als ein wichtiges Transportzentrum. Aber für mich war der Mittelpunkt der Hof meiner Oma Ludmila, die dörfliche Umgebung überhaupt“, erläutert sie.

Das Haus der Oma war aus Stein errichtet. Davor ein Ziehbrunnen, aus dem Wasser herausgeholt wurde. Außerhalb des Hauses, im Garten, befand sich ein kleines Häuschen, das als Klo diente. Nachts wurde ein Eimer in die Küche gestellt, damit Iana nicht aus dem Haus heraus musste, um auszutreten.

„Hast du  ‚Pippi‘ gemacht?“ fragte Ludmila eines Abends ihre Enkelin.

„Warum, Oma?“

„Weil du auf die Kartoffeln gepullert hast, die ich morgen zum Mittag machen wollte“, sagte Ludmila.

Ludmila konnte sehr lustig sein. Sie klatschte in die Hände, damit Iana sich im Kreis drehen und tanzen konnte.

„Meine Oma hat das Fundament für meine Tanzkarriere gelegt“, sagt Iana heute scherzhaft.

Die Tiere, die auf dem Hof lebten – die Kühe, Schweine, Hühner, sie  wurden auch dort geschlachtet. Das gehörte für Iana mit zum Dorfleben dazu. Die Wäsche wurde im Fluss gewaschen und so hatte ihre Oma oft Schmerzen in den Beinen.

Iana berichtet noch heute von der Farbenpracht, die sich im Frühjahr entfaltete und den ganzen Sommer und im Herbst den Reiz dieser Gegend ausmachte.

„Im Sommer blühten im Garten viele Pflanzen, die mit ihrem Grün und den bunten Farben ein fröhliches Bild zeichneten, an das ich mich noch heute gern erinnere“, sagt sie.

„Ich habe oft am Morgen von den Hühnern die frischen Eier geholt. Und nach dem Frühstück ging es stets nach draußen. Wir haben getobt, sind auf die Bäume geklettert, haben mit unserem Hund gespielt und ihn geärgert“, schwärmt Iana.

Sie erinnert sich, dass Ludmila sie oft  zum Mittag rief: „Yanochka,  wo treibst du dich wieder herum?“

Und sie berichtet weiter: „Meine Großmutter stützte sich mit einer Hand auf den Gartenzaun, der ohnehin schon schief und wackelig war. Mit der anderen Hand schirmte sie ihr Gesicht ab, weil die Sonnenstrahlen im Sommer unbarmherzig auf ihre Augen niederprasselten. Im Hintergrund krähte ein Hahn und aus dem Stall war das Grunzen der Schweine zu hören. Ludmila rief erneut in die Richtung, in der sie mich vermutete:  ‚Yanochka, es gibt Borschtsch‘. Ich liebte den Borschtsch von meiner Oma. Eine Suppe, zubereitet aus Roter Beete und angereichert mit Schmand und Dill. Das lockte selbst mich von meinen Spielgefährten weg.“

Oma Ludmila erzählte dann manchmal Ianas Eltern: „Plötzlich kamen aus den Ästen und Blättern des nahegelegenen Baumes zwei Beine zum Vorschein. Sie schaukelten hin und her und dann sprang Yanochka auf den Boden.“ Iana rief dann schon von weitem: „Oma, ich habe großen Hunger, können wir gleich essen?“

Und Oma antwortete: „Ja, können wir, aber nimm‘ die Schüssel und wasch‘ dir die Hände. Und überhaupt: Wie siehst du wieder aus?“ Iana antwortete darauf erst gar nicht. Vielmehr lief sie in die Küche, wo die Suppe bereits herrlich duftete.

Wenn  Iana  diese kleinen Begebenheiten erzählt, dann merkt man ihr  an, wie glücklich sie noch heute ihre Kinder-und Jugendjahre empfindet.